Cracks.. a lesbian boarding school?

The film "Cracks" appeared on my top ten suggestion list after I selected the "sometimes" button for the suspense and drama category. Usually, when you log into Netflix the system will ask you a series of questions on what type/genre of movie you tend to watch most. The top ten suggestions are compiled from the answers you give to these questions along with the films that you have already watched on Netflix.

Yes, I like the drama genre, and I also tend to like the suspenseful, but... Cracks was quite a far fetch for both of these categories. Filmed in 2009 and directed by Jordan Scott, this film sits on the edge of foreign drama and American thrillers. The story takes place in an all-girls boarding school in Europe, I believe England, if I can remember correctly. The typical activities occur in their everyday life such as diving, learning, eating, and the occasional catfight and/or pillow fight. Everything is quite charming except there seems to be a weird relationship between one of the girls and this gorgeous young teacher "Miss G" played by Eva Green. I guess you could call the situation a little "Teacher's pet."

Well, one day, this Spaniard named Fiamma, played by Maria Valvarde, shows up to the boarding school. She is well-travelled and has a taste for the expensive things in life. She is liked by most of the girls and shares her adventures and exotic items with everyone. Miss G acts quite strange and so does her pet student.

The pet student named Di, played by Juno Temple, does not like Fiamma and bullies her quite frequently. After about an hour of nonsense and scene building on the director's part, we (the audience) find out that Miss G is not who she says she is. She has always bragged to the girls about being this world traveler just like Fiamma, but when Fiamma comes into the picture, Miss G is caught.

To sum things up, because this story seems never-ending... Fiamma gets drunk with the boarding school girls one night and Miss G finds them all. In a jealous rage, she grabs Fiamma and DUN DUN DUUUNN.... (Spoiler alert) rapes her. In the morning when Fiamma is conscious enough to recall what happened the night before, she is so distraught and runs to the hills. The girls run after her and Fiamma tells them what happened. The teacher's pet, Di, won't believe it and she orders all the girls to chase Fiamma and beat her up.

Well, Fiamma has asthma, and by the time the girls get to her, she can't breathe. Her asthma medicine has been misplaced and the girls literally beat the air out of her. Di gets scared and goes to get help. Who comes to the rescue? Miss G. All the girls leave, and Miss G finds Fiamma's medicine but won't give it to her. Fiamma dies. Miss G's secret is revealed and The end.

Dramatic? Yes... Thriller? No... Did I like it?... ahhhh it's a hesitant maybe. I was proud of myself for sitting through the whole two hours and not falling asleep. I was also proud that I actually could remember what happened the next day while writing this. It was really weird and creepy though. For all my guy readers, I'm sure you are thinking about how much you would like to find one of those boarding schools out there, and for my girl readers.. I'm sure you would think this movie was .. I don’t know... like a "lifetime" matinee.

Netflix, for some reason, I am quickly losing faith in you. Maybe it's because the last four movies I've seen have been quite perverted, strange, and severely awkward. Maybe we'll get it right with the next one? Until next time, mind reader.

Hall Passes Are For Little Boys!

It's another night with Netflix. On the agenda: Hall Pass. This is probably the most recent film I've seen. Filmed in 2011 and directed by two brothers, Bobby and Peter Farrelly, this movie has well-known actors such as Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Christina Applegate, and Jenna Fischer. I was pretty stoked to see this because I had heard it was funny and it was getting about that time that I watch a somewhat up-to-date film from my Netflix suggestions. I had watched the trailer of the film when it was coming out and thought it was a clever and quirky idea for a movie. So, here we go, let's see how accurate you were on this one, Netflix!

UGHHhHhh, come onnnnn. Honestly? This movie annoyed the shit out of me. It's all about a couple of male chauvinistic pigs who want hot chicks but could never get one. So, they settle with their wives (who, by the way, are extremely attractive) and are so unsatisfied by married life. Their wives give them a "hall pass" to go and have sexual relations and achieve their sexual fantasies with any female they come across. Funny part about it though, they can't get any girls! Their married lives are so habitual to them that they can't fight it off.

The twist or "catch" of the movie is that while the guys have been given the "hall pass" and are out chasing their "prey," the wives of the men have gone to the Hamptons and found some men of their own. Technically, they are on a "hall pass" too.

Long story short, (spoiler alert) one of the couples cheats on each other and the other relentlessly survives and comes out on top (no pun intended). Overall though, I guess on a more negative note, the plot was O.K. but I couldn't stand the idea behind it. I feel like the director said, "Hey! Let's make a movie that portrays how most guys really are and then make a joke out of it so our female audience will enjoy the film as well!"

Lame, lame, and more lame. I don't know any female, especially one that has a perverted, cheating, or "wandering eyed" husband that would think this movie was at all comical. There were a few funny "lol" parts to it but Jeez, I just wanted to scream at everyone to GROW UP!

Let's face the facts people: If you get married, you are committing to a person for life, that you won't cheat and that you don't want to be with anyone else. If you have any doubt about ANY of those, DON'T GET MARRIED. I'm almost positive that I'm taking this movie WAAAYY to literally but if the plot was just a little more clever, witty, and better directed, hey, it might have been a decent film, besides the motives behind it.

Netflix, YOU SUCK... 1. for suggesting this lame-ass movie, and 2. for raising your monthly rate.

Mhhmmm Benny... and Joon?

With the monthly update of Netflix, came the monthly update of my top ten suggestions. Finally, some of the movies I kept postponing because I knew (or so I thought I knew) were not going to be my favorites, were removed from my list. Unfortunately, I was not that impressed with the films that took their place. One of the films that remained seemed interesting and always caught my eye when I was searching through the movies, yet it was never interesting enough for me to click to watch. Since I was thoroughly unimpressed with my update, I decided to give the movie a try. Ok, Benny And Joon let's see what you’ve got!

The movie was filmed in 1993 and was directed by Jeremiah Chechnik. Some of the "top billed cast" include: The magnificent and familiar, Johnny Depp, Mary Stuart Masterson, Aidan Quinn, and the noted actress, Julianne Moore. I'll be honest with you, when I saw that Johnny Depp was supporting actor, I was more than happy to view the film!

So, the storyline is about a brother (Aidan Quinn/ Benny) and his sister (Mary Masterson/Joon) and how they are fighting the struggles of life together. Benny is a "stand-up guy" and owns his own car repair shop; he is simply trying to make it in the world. Joon is "mentally disabled/handicap. It is Benny's job to take care of her, being that their family died when they were young. Somehow, from the loss of a bet with one of Benny's friends, a boy named Sam (Johnny Depp) goes to live with the family. Long story short, Sam and Joon end up spending a lot of time together while Benny is away at work. Sam is such an odd and unique character that they (spoiler alert) fall in love. Benny finds out about their love for each other and thinks Sam is sick for falling in love with a "mentally-challenged" person. Benny tells Sam he is never allowed to see Joon again.

Well... pretty stereotypically, Sam gets Joon out of the house and they begin to run away together. But wait... oops, I guess Sam forgot!... Joon is mentally disabled and she freaks the **** out when he tries to take her away from everything she knows. Joon ends up going to a hospital for the disabled and after a few efforts, Benny and Sam make amends, snatch Joon from the hospital, and they all live happily ever after!

Sounds cheesy, right? Well, it is; but I must say that I really enjoyed the movie. The highlight of the film for me was when Sam and Joon hook up. It must have been the WOW factor Johnny Depp has on me because I couldn't help but feel really wrong about not only watching the steamy scene but enjoying it. Joon is "not all there" and... Gee, I dunno... can you put two and two together?

What made this awkward situation not a COMPLETE bust of the movie was that yes, Joon was "mentally handicap" but throughout the film, I really didn't see why or even where she fell short of normalcy. She was weird and she did freak out at times, and she definitely had certain routines she had to complete but I looked at myself, and I realized YES! I have routines and I freak out at times and ya, I can be a little weird.. does that mean I'm "mentally challenged?"

To sum up what I'm trying to get at is, yes it was an awesome film with a quirky plot and a sexy cast... but, damn, the director did an absolutely horrible job of character development on behalf of Joon. It was strange and not dramatized enough, and I'm still wondering if I could be considered "mentally challenged."

Netflix, I did really enjoy this film, No, it's not in my top ten favorite movies of all time... because even days after I've watched the film I'm still debating in my head whether or not Joon was really handicap. This film gets a sideways thumb; up for Johnny Depp, down for Joon.. overall, a so-so.

Exorcising Netflix

Again, I've picked one of my top ten suggestions. This time... The Exorcist. Because of the severity of horror this film contains, I have opted to see it during the day.  I'm not snuggled up ready to watch this or even that thrilled to see the film. It's the original 1973 version, which is known as the scariest one. The film starts and that eerie exorcist music plays through my speakers. Shit, I'm already on the verge of peeing my pants. I can't take it! I pause the film. This is ridiculous. It's daytime, there are no freaky thunderstorms going on outside, I'm definitely not 15, and I've already seen this movie once before. Even as I'm repeating this to myself, in the back of my head, I have the thought to just pick another movie. I finally calm down and realize that the days... months... and even years that I spent traumatized from this movie are over; it is in my past. I would think that by now I am mature enough to handle a horror movie from 1973. Come on.. get it together.

I press play again. Yes, the music is scary, but no, I can't chicken out. About the first twenty to thirty minutes the story develops and the plot begins to thicken. I was somewhat impressed by the quality of the film considering that it is pretty old for 2011. I felt like I was watching the film for the first time. Like Tales From the Crypt, only the most frightening parts are left ingrained in my memory. I can already see Regan, the girl who has been possessed by the devil, crawling backwards down the staircase. Yet, I have no memory at all of the actual plot and series of events from the film.

By the time Regan becomes possessed I felt as if I could fall asleep; quite the change from when I first started the movie. Because of my drastic change in reactions, it got me thinking about the baggage that each film carries. It made me wonder how I would have felt watching this movie in the theater and never hearing all the gossip and thrill of the film. Was I freaking out over the movie because it was so scary as a child? Or was it because of everyone deaming this film as the "scariest movie of all time?" To me, the story is kind of boring and drab. Yes, the make-up artists did a phenomenal job. And yes, it is somewhat believable that this poor little girl could have become possessed by demons. But come on, no priest I know is that informal to the public and wears jogging suits half of the day.

I found myself analyzing the quality of the storyline and judging the sheer boringness of the script. Does anyone even remember what the story is about? Or does everyone simply remember Regan going backwards down the stairs, or (spoiler alert) the holy priest falling out of the window. Or just maybe, people are left with an unsettling feeling because good doesn't necessarily triumph over evil. (Spoiler alert) Regan is relieved of the demons/devil, but the priest... OH! the holy priest, is dead!

I finished this film, somewhat giggling to myself, that I had fallen into the stigma of this movie. The story sucks. The actors are..ok, except for Regan, who was amazing. Netflix: I'm sorry, but this would not be in my top ten favorite movies of all time, but I want to say a sincere THANK YOU for helping me to conquer my fear of this lame movie. I no longer need to be haunted by the idea that a demon is going to crawl in my soul and cause me to walk backwards, foam at the mouth, and tell a priest to ***** me. Again, Netflix, thank you.

It's Showtime Boils and Ghouls!

I remember watching Tales From the Crypt when i was little, since the show was filmed in the early 90's. I was scared to death of the creepy skeleton man that narrated the show. Of course that was my most memorable experience with the series and the actual scripted episodes never made a lasting impression.

Here I am once again, it's late at night and I'm ready to snuggle up with what Netflix names as my favorite movie of all time. To explain how Netflix works, for those who don't have this "ultimate mindreader," there is a listing of top ten movie suggestions at the top of the web page. These suggestions are taken from a cumulation of films previously viewed. For example, if you mostly watch documentaries, most of your suggestions will be documentary related films. For diversity, I have strategically watched an even amount of different genres that Netflix offers, of course all to my liking. So back to my snuggled up evening: I cheated a little on this one because I started off my Netflix challenge thinking I would only pick the suggestions that I could watch instantly; I also planned on only watching the full-length flims that were in my suggestions. Well... I splurged and had this late-night thriller, television show mailed. Earlier in the day I had rushed to my mailbox to pull out the infamous seasons of Tales From the Crypt.  One disc provides one season; the season Netflix thought I would like best was Season 2.


As the first episode started in the series I was reluctant to get my hopes up when I saw the filming quality and the drab scenery that emcompassed the 90's. The skeleton narrator was not nearly as scary, almost somewhat amusing. About five minutes into the episode I was regretting my decision to go with a television series and I was even more regretting the fact that I had it come in the mail. I realized that I had found a movie in my top ten suggestions that Netflix had gotten wrong. Until...

Ten minutes into the episode, somehow, against my will, I was captured in the tale of an elaborate love story gone bad. How could I be so interested in such a cheesy plot line? How could I have my remote in hand anxiously awaiting the next episode; and then I realized... THIS is why I loved Tales From the Crypt. This is why Netflix, once again, read my mind.

The plots of the episodes are entirely filled with wit, irony, and contradictions, also laced with dark humor. For instance, {episode spoiler ahead} in one episode, this man and wife are taken to a cabin by their dear "friend" to enjoy their wedding anniversary. The husband is an alcoholic and gets drunk and stays in the cabin while his wife mysteriously goes around town with their male friend who provided the cabin. The husband begins to get suspicions of the relationship between the two. While the wife is out with the "friend" he hunts through her belongings. He finds a lacey lingerie outfit and supposes that it must be for the friend. The friend and wife come back from their trip and everyone goes to bed. The husband wakes up in the middle of the night to find that his wife and the "friend" are sitting in the living room talking. He hears them discuss how the "issue should not be brought up" and they "don't want to let him know yet." The husband, as he should, assumes that they talking about their love affair. He gets drunk and blabbers to his wife later in the night how all he wanted to do was have a baby with her but now its over. He does not tell her he thinks she is having an affair. She doesn't understand and "goes for a walk."

Meanwhile as the wife is walking, the "friend" meets with the husband and ultimately the husband ends up brutally killing the friend because, of course, he thinks the "friend" is banging his wife. Well, the enraged husband hunts for his wife waiting for his next kill. He finds her. He kills her. He then drags her to the storage cabin located in the back of the property, where the friend has been staying. He opens the door and... SURPRISE! His family and loved ones are gathered together to celebrate not only the couple's anniversary but also, the new expectance of a baby boy. The husband stands in the entrance, dead wife in hand.

Just an example of the many episodes that have the same characteristics. I went crazy over season 2 and Netflix pinned me once again. The season ends with a little good-bye from the narrator, and as he says, "Until next time BOILS AND GHOULS!"

Gonzo's a Goner

Its 11 at night and I'm searching for the best movie I'll ever see. Ok, not exactly... but I am searching for a film that will keep me from drifting into a hard slumber. I log onto Netflix and naturally I go to "Netflix Top Suggestions for Danielle." As I'm scrolling through this list of documentaries, foreign lust films, romantic comedies, etc., I can't help but to wonder why in the hell would these movies be suggested for me. I spent tedious hours meticulously going through movie after movie rating star after star so that Netflix would be able to "read" me. So why do all these suggestions look like the worst of the worst?

Then the nagging phrase we all have heard pops into my head, "you can't judge a book by its cover," and in this case.. movie. So, i'll give it a try. What could possibly go wrong with giving Netflix a go. I guess I could watch some horrible pyschological thriller that somehow manipulates the thoughts in my brain and causes me to go on a mass murdering rampage... well, you get what I'm saying.. these movies can't be that bad, right?

So, I'm scrolling through this movie list, and to start off my journey with the "ultimate mind-reader," I must choose something that is ... let's say, somewhat appealing to me. Part of my study, I guess you could call it, is picking a film out of each top ten suggestions given to me when I log on. For the first experiment I have already scrolled through the first seven movies with complete angst that I am going to be watching a droning love story this late at night.Then I come across Gonzo. Ahh, the beautiful, eccentric, and lustful Hunter S. Thompson. Ok Netfllix, you got me.


The film loads. The film begins. Flashy pictures and videos begin to unravel the complicating and intrinsic life of Thompson. The familiar monotoned voice of Johnny Depp narrates. Beautiful. I already felt a sense of attachment to this film, being that I saw Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, I felt like i was reunited with an old friend.

The film is a documentary of the life of Hunter S. Thompson and ranges from his time spent with the Hell's Angels to his various psychedelic acid and mescaline trips. Both his wives tell the intimate details of his life along with readings and excerpts from his novels: Hell's Angels, Fear and Loathing: Campaign Trial '72, and Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Video clips and pictures show a peak into Thompson with Jimi Hendrix playing in the background. Either I had fallen asleep and was dreaming or my bedroom had literally time-travelled into the 70's.

How ironic that the first film I watch in my experiment and blogging of Netflix happens to be about the life of a fellow journalist and writer. The film inspired me, moved me... to write; not play with guns and ultimately kill myself (oops, I guess you can't really spoil a documentary) but to simply write. Yes, unfortunately Gonzo is a goner, but this movie completely exceeded my expectations.

Netflix.. I'll give it to you this time, you read my mind for this late night movie pick.